Reformat Your Life Today
Philosophy of Life
The Notebook
047 days
Today, I felt a strong urge to purge – something a pack rat like myself rarely gets. Although I was exhausted after a long day, I took myself down to the basement to begin. After about two hours, I had (for me) a pretty impressive stack to sell or giveaway. It was then I came across it. For a moment I stared at the notebook, remembering how it never left my side throughout college. How I never went to class without it. It wasn’t a journal – it was a collection of poems I wrote about my daily experiences.
Thumbing through it, I first saw the poem about a man with whom I had fallen head over heels in love. Within a second, I was back in my car in front of the Communications building at the University of Tennessee, sobbing hysterically as I wrote about lost love. I laughed. The man in the poem and I are still friends today, and I can’t even imagine being his wife. This gave me the courage to read on.
As I read, I alternated between laughing at how naive I was to reflecting about how much I missed the cathartic cleansing of writing poems. Today we have Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace to air our feelings, and to clear out our anguished souls – instantly gratified by another person’s comment on our posts, but nothing beat my notebook for a best friend. It would listen to me, regardless.
Right before I put away the notebook, I saw a piece of paper neatly folded, slid between two pages. It was a poem as well, but it was different from the others. It was filled with such raw anguish. The suffering of the writer poured off the page in waves, but there was a strange disconnect. I felt like I was reading another person’s work, not my own. But I remember writing the poem. It was a few days after the doctor had told me that I had a condition that might preclude my having children. To someone who adored kids, that felt like a death sentence. Sometimes, even today, it still does.
My first operation to try and correct the problem was coming up, and my doctor had told me if it didn’t work, he thought it would be best to have a hysterectomy. At 19, I wasn’t ready to face an ending so big, so I did what I knew best – I wrote about it. The pain is so real, it jumps off the page. I wish I could reach back through time, to that young 19-year-old girl and tell her, “Your biggest fears came true, but you were able to still have a life. It’s not an ending. There is so much else in your life that brings you joy.” And, the statement would be true. But I’d also have to tell her, “You will still hurt over this for many years. There will be times when you feel that you can’t hold on any longer. But you will.” I can’t go back, though, so I folded the page and placed it back in the notebook.
I think, tomorrow, I’ll go find another notebook.
Clichés and Grief
0399 days
Grieving is a Process
Devastating Grief
Today at my church the minister said something that made me think hard about my responses to people who have experienced grief. He talked about a young couple who had the traumatic experience of a miscarriage and were in the throes of tremendous grief. The young man was understandably angry at the comments of people who came to offer consolation at the time. Instead of understanding the grief, they offered simple clichés to the couple like “God just wanted another angel.” He told the minster “What cliché have you come to offer me!?”
Now, I don’t think the young man was in any way condemning the people for trying to offer support. That is commendable in all ways. I think he just felt angered by some of the comments that came off as flippant. My minister said that when he told the young man that he thought the situation sucked (his exact words) and that he was only there to offer his support, the young man’s entire countenance changed and he invited my minister in to talk.
Responses to Grief
This really got me thinking – how many times have I offered my condolences to someone and it came off as a pat cliché? I am one of the world’s worst people at funerals. I get tongue-tied and find myself saying things that I know aren’t helpful, such as “He’s in a better place now.” Yes, he is, but that doesn’t really help the person grieving, does it? I’m learning to simply say, “I am so sorry that you have had this terrible loss.” This lets them know that I realize it is a loss and that it HURTS. Pain is pain. And even if the person who passed away had been in terrible pain and his suffering is at an end, it doesn’t lessen the pain that the ones left behind feel.
Another thing I’ve noticed about my response to grief is that as soon as the person who is grieving begins to act normally again, I stop offering comfort. From my recent experience with a devastating grief, I’ve found that just because someone starts to act normally, it does not mean that they are no longer hurting. Grief is not a fun place to stay, and at some point, you have to move out of that pit. But, it doesn’t mean that the person is no longer in pain or that they don’t still need me and my support.
Grief: Beyond the Superficial
So, what can we do to offer support to our friends who are in grief? If we can’t offer them traditional responses, what CAN we do? I’ve found that the best thing to do is to offer them open arms and let them cry it out. Also, not to say, “If you need anything, ask!” because they won’t. Just figure out what they might need and do it. During the last three months, the best response I’ve gotten to my grief has been the constant emails that one of my friends sends me saying, “I love you and I’m thinking about you today.” It always brightens my day, and I’m sure it does hers as well.
Will I always offer the best response? Probably not, but thinking about what I say before I say it will help me out. So, the next time I find someone who is in grief, I plan to stop and think before I respond to his/her grief.
The Art of Caring
0420 days
Discover the lost art of caring
Caring seems to be a lost art in this high tech world. We’re so wrapped up in our own lives that we often don’t see someone in pain. Or we will write a long, sweet note to someone we barely know on Facebook, while neglecting the friends who are right in front of us. What are some ways to develop the art of caring?
How do you show caring?
- Be a friend. If you see someone who seems to be hurting, tell them you care. Find out what you can do for them. I have a friend who knows how long I’ve been trying to become a mother. Without fail, once or twice a month, she sends me an email to remind me that she knows I’m hurting and that she loves me. One day she simply sent me a gift that said “thinking of you.” That is the art of caring.
- Call them or give them a card to show just how much you care for them. Facebook posts are fine, but a card shows that you went out of your way to think of them. What a gift this is to a hurting person.
- Go beyond yourself. Sometimes it is easy to get wrapped up in what YOU want. However, you need to take the time to care about what another person wants – what another person needs. If it means giving up something you’d like to do to make them happy, then do it. Don’t be a doormat, by any means, but don’t be selfish either.
Develop an attitude of caring
The art of caring can be cultivated and developed just like a garden. You have to plant the seeds of friendship, water them, kill off any weeds (by expressing how you feel), and then sit back and enjoy the fragrance. See what you can do to show someone you love them by caring for them – TODAY!
Success Through Gratitude
0462 days
Which Comes First – Success or Gratitude?
Which do you think comes first? Being grateful for what you have or success? If you are like me, you often say, “I’ll be thankful when such and such occurs.” Will you? Will you be thankful that you were given such a wonderful opportunity? Or will you want more? It is hard for most people to face the fact that they will not be thankful when they are given something. They will want more and more. Success is being grateful first.
Gratitude Leads to Success
It has been my observation that people who are grateful for what they already have are given more. I have a friend that no matter what you do for her, it is never enough. If you volunteer to drive her to the store because her car is in the shop, she will moan and complain if you are five minutes late. Does it make me want to help her out more? No way, Jose! It makes me want to avoid her. Everything I do for her comes out of a sense of community. I don’t do it for her.
Gratitude Brings Joy
I have another friend who is always thanking me for every little thing I do for her. If I post on her Facebook page that I’m praying for her, she will thank me profusely. Do I want to do more for her? Absolutely. And I do it with a happy heart. I am joyful that I can help her.
My friend who is always grateful is a generally happy person. She is always looking for the good in others. My other friend is always miserable and complaining. Who is happier? It’s obvious.
Success!
So, which comes first? Success or Gratitude? I’m sure you can see that gratitude comes first. Be grateful today for the little (and big!) things in your life. Consider yourself lucky to be alive and able to do what you can do. Enjoy your success by being grateful!
Travel information
0662 days
Traveling is such an adventure. You get to step outside of your life and visit new worlds (even if it is the world just down the street). Embrace traveling. Learn to look at your world with new eyes. Experience the freshness that a child feels as he looks at the world.
Our world is a beautiful place and traveling lets you enjoy it. Do something today that allows you to travel – even if it is just around the corner. Look at your world as a tourist would – what do you see? What can you enjoy? What needs to be fixed?
For more information on traveling on a budget, check out my budget travel site.
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