Kristie Dean
Reformat Your Life Today
The Year of Living Dangerously: England Awaits
0358 days
Obligatory Phone Box Photo
The Year of Living Dangerously
So, what will make this trip part of The Year of Living Dangerously? Since I’ve done it before, it isn’t really outside my comfort zone. However, this time, I am responsible for another human being. But, she’s 17 and quite capable of watching out for herself. So, what is different? This time, I’ll be chronicling my journey for my other blog, Divorce Your Travel Agent, and researching a possible book.
After writing my first book, I’ve been toying with the idea of two different types of books for my second. I am trying to decide between mysteries, which I love, or historical fiction, which is another passion of mine. This journey to the UK will help me decide which will win out. I’ll be researching at two castles for a possible book on a supposed ancestress of mine, as well as picking up a reader’s card at the British Library.
Year of Living Dangerously: Researching Risk
When I come back, I’ll be dedicating my summer to working on research so that I can actually start the writing process. I am excited, but a bit unnerved. I’m really tough on writer’s of historical fiction about getting the facts right, and I’m a bit worried that I might get a fact or two wrong. This has a crushing impact on my creativity. Not much is known about the woman I’m writing about in the general historic record, and I won’t have time to access the charters, etc. to verify everything. But, part of living dangerously is taking risks, and that is what this book will mean to me.
I still have another book on the backburner, and that story will get told eventually. But, the Year of Living Dangerously has started with a bang, and I’m excited to jump right into it.
The Year of Living Dangerously
2385 days
by Kristie Dean
in Motivation
Danger, Will Robinson – Risk ahead.
Danger Ahead! Risk Accepted.
Danger and risk are words that we are programmed from birth to avoid. During my life, I have stretched the boundaries of my comfort zone, and this has usually been a blessing. I completed two solo trips to a foreign country, wrote a book, created two seminars, and taught classes. So, I have accepted risk. But rarely have I gone further than a gentle stretching of that zone. Today, that will change.
From my posts recently, you probably have gathered that this has not been a particularly good year for me. I’ve lost several people close to me to death and have suffered through a very traumatic experience. Read more here. As a motivational author and speaker, I know several ways to bounce back. So, today, on my birthday, I am cancelling 2011 and instituting a new year. The Year of Living Dangerously. In addition to my normal posts, I plan to post at least monthly on my adventures of living dangerously – I will add more risk into my life.
What is Living Dangerously? Risk Accepted!
Well, to start with, I will tell you what it is NOT. It is not reckless, impulsive behavior that could get me killed! It is stepping beyond my comfort zone to do things that I’ve avoided – it is accepting risk. Writing a book pushed past my comfort zone, but promoting that book will smash my comfort zone to bits. So that is one thing I’m planning. I have also wanted to white water raft down a turbulent, riotous river, and that is one on the list. I’ve wanted to zip line, and that is also up there.
Risk Suggestions
I’m taking suggestions from readers and will choose at least ONE reader’s comment to complete. The reader who is chosen will get a free, autographed copy of my book, Reformat Your Life, and will be included in the follow-up blog once I’ve completed the task he/she has given me. So, get to commenting on this blog – I can’t wait to see your suggestions. I plan to craft my “Year of Living Dangerously” into separate segments and craft it like a Year of Renewal. Each month between now and next May will have a theme. I’ll set those themes while I’m away for work over the next few weeks.
I will choose a winner within the next two months. To enter the contest, comment on this blog with your suggestion. Check back here to see if you won. Remember, you have to comment on the BLOG, not Facebook. To risk is worth it!
Sign up below to be notified when a winner is selected!
Grief and Grieving
0388 days
by Kristie Dean
in Uncategorized
Waves of Grief
Grief is like a wave
Grief is like swimming in one of those giant wave pools. Sometimes the waves of grief subside and you can smile, float on your back, and stare at the clouds. At other times, seemingly out of nowhere waves of pain strike relentlessly one right after the other, almost drowning you under the onslaught. And even though other people are near, it doesn’t seem like anyone can reach you when you are going under.
Many people put on a happy face and don’t really share what is going on. Or we try to minimize our grief. “It’s okay,” we say, “I’m doing better.” Yes, if better means today you made it through the day without breaking down. If you have friends that know what’s going on, you alternate between wanting to talk about it and pushing them away. “What is wrong with me,” you wonder. “Why can’t I get past this?” That’s part of the problem, I think. We feel like we have to “get past” grief.
Experience Grief
I disagree. I think that sometimes we need to stay in the moment and really experience the grief. Really feel the pain. Otherwise we wind up dead inside, emotionless zombies. How can we experience our grief?
One way I do it is through music. Recently, I’ve found myself playing two songs over and over. The first one “I Would Die for That,” shares the experience of a woman who wants children.
The other one is a song that talks about life after a miscarriage. “I’ve been waiting for you for such a long time; you’re always on my mind…Lost you before I found you, gone before you came, but I love you just the same.” By the time those words are through playing, I’m able to let go and cry. Usually I feel much better afterwards. I’m able to rest in the waves instead of drowning in them. And it helps to get through that day, until the next wave cycle hits.
Grief is a personal thing, and many of your friends may not know how to approach you. Make it easy for them by telling them the truth. “Today is a bad day.” That’s not so hard to say. We are so conditioned to telling white lies to hide our real feelings. Be authentic in your grief today. You’ll start to find that there is more and more time between the waves of grief.
Perseverance: Run the Short Races!
0397 days
Perseverance: Run the Short Race
Perseverance is Vital
Perseverance is what makes the difference. Today I did not want to go to the gym. In fact, I wanted to go home and go to bed. It was an exhausting, arduous day, and I just felt like relaxing. That wouldn’t be a problem on a regular day, but I took the day off on Saturday because I had errands to run. Today, I had to persevere and go to the gym despite my fatigue. It turns out that I was rewarded for doing so. I had one of the best workouts I’ve had in a long time. I came away from the gym in a much better frame of mind and with more energy to tackle the other items in my life that needed me – such as going to the grocery store.
Perseverance is a Series of Short Races
Elliot was right when he said perseverance is not a long race, but a series of short races. Each day, anew, I have to make many decisions to keep going, to keep working out, and to keep writing. Each day is its own race. You can’t win the long race unless you win most of the small races. You just have to keep plugging along, knowing that the time will come when you will see the finish line for the day. And that is its own reward.
Images courtesy of DailyClipArt.net
Clichés and Grief
0399 days
Grieving is a Process
Devastating Grief
Today at my church the minister said something that made me think hard about my responses to people who have experienced grief. He talked about a young couple who had the traumatic experience of a miscarriage and were in the throes of tremendous grief. The young man was understandably angry at the comments of people who came to offer consolation at the time. Instead of understanding the grief, they offered simple clichés to the couple like “God just wanted another angel.” He told the minster “What cliché have you come to offer me!?”
Now, I don’t think the young man was in any way condemning the people for trying to offer support. That is commendable in all ways. I think he just felt angered by some of the comments that came off as flippant. My minister said that when he told the young man that he thought the situation sucked (his exact words) and that he was only there to offer his support, the young man’s entire countenance changed and he invited my minister in to talk.
Responses to Grief
This really got me thinking – how many times have I offered my condolences to someone and it came off as a pat cliché? I am one of the world’s worst people at funerals. I get tongue-tied and find myself saying things that I know aren’t helpful, such as “He’s in a better place now.” Yes, he is, but that doesn’t really help the person grieving, does it? I’m learning to simply say, “I am so sorry that you have had this terrible loss.” This lets them know that I realize it is a loss and that it HURTS. Pain is pain. And even if the person who passed away had been in terrible pain and his suffering is at an end, it doesn’t lessen the pain that the ones left behind feel.
Another thing I’ve noticed about my response to grief is that as soon as the person who is grieving begins to act normally again, I stop offering comfort. From my recent experience with a devastating grief, I’ve found that just because someone starts to act normally, it does not mean that they are no longer hurting. Grief is not a fun place to stay, and at some point, you have to move out of that pit. But, it doesn’t mean that the person is no longer in pain or that they don’t still need me and my support.
Grief: Beyond the Superficial
So, what can we do to offer support to our friends who are in grief? If we can’t offer them traditional responses, what CAN we do? I’ve found that the best thing to do is to offer them open arms and let them cry it out. Also, not to say, “If you need anything, ask!” because they won’t. Just figure out what they might need and do it. During the last three months, the best response I’ve gotten to my grief has been the constant emails that one of my friends sends me saying, “I love you and I’m thinking about you today.” It always brightens my day, and I’m sure it does hers as well.
Will I always offer the best response? Probably not, but thinking about what I say before I say it will help me out. So, the next time I find someone who is in grief, I plan to stop and think before I respond to his/her grief.
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